How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
