Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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