Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
