i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
