I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
