he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
