My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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