Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
