so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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