Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
