Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
