Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
