you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
