I can't breathe out the right side of my face
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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