Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
