my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
