just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
