im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
