dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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