so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This toilet bowl is my home.
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