nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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