went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
