i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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