Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
