i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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