Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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