life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize