I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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