did you get engaged???
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
