There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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