He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
