WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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