did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
