just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize