Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
