he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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