I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
