Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
