why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize