I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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