why didn't you poke me back
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
