Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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