Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
