her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
