When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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