so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize