I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
