He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
