nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
