I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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