WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
