Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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