Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
