you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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