And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
