Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
