You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
