Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
