so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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