I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
