David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
