I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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