It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
