I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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