Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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