Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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