i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
