Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
