Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
