Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
