I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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