Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
