and she was petting her beer can
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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