A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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