if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
