i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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