Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize