you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
