Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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