Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
