Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
