At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
