He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
