That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
