worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
