Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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