Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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