The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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