it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
