i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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