Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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