What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
