Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize