Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
