i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
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