you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
