1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
