Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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