Cold hands, warm shart.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do vagina's smell?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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