is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
