All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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