Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Randomize