Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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