So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
