Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
