We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
