I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
