I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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