I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
that's an acceptable place to lick
this just has baby written all over it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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