I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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