If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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