yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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