So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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