afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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