you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
